I should start (restart) a blog!

Hmm.

So.

Blog.

Blooooog.

Blogblog.

How do you (re)start a blog anyway?

I suppose I could start by describing my surroundings but that's probably not a good idea, with stepmum on toliet telling us how it's going, with added 'fuck!' comments for the emphasis, and Dad prattling on about how easy it is to write his second 'chick becomes slave and surprise surprise finds she is actully a natural slave and loooooves being dehumanized'! type book. Is that what it's really about? I honestly can't say for sure, as I don't want to look, but from the comments he makes... and from the one line of the last book that I accidently traumatized myself with ("Open your mouth, slave.") then it's fairly likely. Given that he once accidently left his Gorien chatroom transcript open for my 14 year old self to see. I must have scrubbed it out...all I remember is 'her creamy thighs' or something... but there were 20 pages of it. Slave punishing or slave bonding or something...

...The more time I live here the less I want anything to do with anything even vaugely sexual.

Wouldn't be so bad that dad wrote it, if I didn't know that his entire life, he was taught to dislike females, from his abusive mother, then a wife that tricked him into marraige with a son that wasn't his... his choice of writing material would be a lot LESS creepy. I'm proud that he can write. Really. And I hope he can publish and gain the result he wants. But... -smashes head on keyboard-

Sigh.

It might also bug me that he discusses his books so much, every fifteen minutes if I'm lucky, because I'm the kind of writer who... he just said 'sexual overdrive' and if that isn't some proof... doesn't like to talk about her writing. Till it's done.

Okay Anyway.

Laron and family and friends are going to see the Dalai Lama today. I was planning on going but life is life and I have to wait. I hope they have a good time. He's an amazing man. I suppose maybe I'll see him next time, maybe. Fourth chance lucky? Besides I should have had surgery yesterday when I was going to be flying to Sydney. I would have happily tried to get on a plane, fresh out ofo surgery, half under anesthetic! Haha

I actully knew that it wouldn't be the date. Had a feeling it wasn't going to be the right day. I tried to tell people but they just got angry at me, or laughed. But I knew it wouldn't happen. Now I've got to wait 3-6 weeks for it, but I suppose that's okay.


ANyway, got to study somehow. Focusing is really hard.

Funny how life turns.

Over a year ago, I was concerned about friendships that existed and money problems as a full time employee.

Now I’m a little broken over friendships that I pushed away, out of fear of how they’d end (absurd due to the fact that no matter how they end, they hurt!), and worried over money as an unemployed Uni student.

But things aren’t so bad. I am a Uni student! Studying Naturopathy! And I am living and studying from an Island, so who can complain about that? It’s true that I do miss my friends… but I recognize that I have a large part to play in that, if not most of it.

A shot from the passenger ferry:

So life is good, I accept the results of those things I did wrong, and I’m regaining my spirituality. If it ever went!

Wow, a new post already!

I had a pretty bad weekend to be honest. I've been dizzy and light headed for about a week, maybe two weeks, now and I was lonely. I told Tony out of pure frustation, that I was lonely and annoyed that I didn't get to go out with friends and I think Ana, his girlfriend/my room mate and Andraia, her sister/room mate suspect I like him more than a friend. But that's not it at all... I just am comfortable with guys. I like them too, but I feel good with guys.

Plus I'm stressed about money. I need to somehow pay $45 to see that Crystal skull, which I REALLY want to do, but I don't know how I'll do it now. And I paid $230 to my surgeon. I know he's a weight loss surgeon but seriously, taking ALL the money I needed just to buy groceries?! Plus I need to somehow pay for public transport to get to Dad's house. I paid $55 for a session with Crystal Connections... omg, spirital stuff is expensive. I don't know if I can do that again. I half feel like I should just give up on devoloping anything spiritual within myself just because of money. I'm a trainee! I can't afford this, even if I do need it! ARGH.

What I need is ...um. to win a lottery. Would be nice. I'd buy a chest of drawers (why are they so expensive?), a new bedframe so I don't have to lie in a diagnal line just so it doesn't break under me, I'd restock the cupboard so I could eat food for the next fortnight (though I guess loosing weight isn't a BAD thing) and buy freezable food containers... also a chest freezer so I could REALLY stock up... a tent, and a backpack so I could hike around and go camping. :D Using public transport. A desk. I would love a desk. A TV thing that has those closeable doors... I could hide my old crappy TV inside my wardrobe and shut the doors.

Blogging?

This isn't normally something I could keep up with. But let's see how it goes.

Hi! I'm a normal (sort of) trainee, I slave away, listen to music to suit my emotions/aura, and basically do my best to keep going.

I recently moved up to Queensland from Melbourne for the traineeship and I think I was here two days before starting, and I moved out of Mum's house to share, then out on my own with a few new friends so you could really say I'm STILL floundering a little, still finding my feet. But I have found good friends and intend on making more connections. I firmly believe that this is where I am to be, destined to be, I am following the correct path.

But darnit, it is very warm in Queensland. Where on earth was winter? MELBOURNE. That's where it was! I missed snow and rain and, honestly Queenslanders, how can you call that distant season autumn when it had no changing leaves and toadstools? Not to mention the strangeness of your water- you close down the swimming pools for 'winter'? I saw one, maybe two, weeks of cold. That's IT. And your ocean is always warm, never dangerous, it's a large salty bathtub full of warm slightly moving water...


So anyway, that rant aside, I am here and I am loving it beside the weirdness. I just need to clean my room now and I am delaying....

delay...

delay...

argh.

I bought a little rose quartz crystal last week. His name is Auris. He answers questions, he's that type of crystal. He has a companion, another crystal on the other side, who also has a name... she's sweet and quiet, also rose quartz.

So I am delaying more.

Delay...

I am empathic. It isn't exactly a good thing always... I only recently understood that was what it was. Be careful of how you use your emotions, they can really be used as weapons!

Argh. I should go clean. I recently read Blossom Goodchild's book, Snapshot, but I'll comment on that later.